Forgiveness is often presented as an essential step in healing. After a betrayal, divorce, family conflict, or other painful experience, people may hear: “You need to forgive so you can move on.” “Forgiveness is for you, not for them.” “You can’t heal while you’re still holding on.” These messages may be offered with good intentions. But they can also leave someone feeling as though they are responsible not only for surviving what happened, but also for reaching a particular